He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
