He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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