Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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