You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
