Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
