yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
