Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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