You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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