Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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