But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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