Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
