She said her name was "party"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
