Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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