i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
