If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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