oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
