He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
