$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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