Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
