So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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