I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
