I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
