the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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