I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
