Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
lol hangovers are for mortals.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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