Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
