today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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