Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
