Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize