I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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