Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
