haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
