I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
