sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
