I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
