so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
