we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
