Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
