He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
