what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
