Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
