We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
His hands were made for my vagina.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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