I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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