woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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