Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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