stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
