I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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