someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
