You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And then he peed in my hair
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