omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
