I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
