If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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