The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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