If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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