you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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