I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
