dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
