Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
