I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
