I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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