I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
