And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
