Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
