I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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