i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
