So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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