the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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