My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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