I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
