Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
