I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You're a waste of cheezeits
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
