Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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