theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
