No awkward lesbian experiences without me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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