They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
