I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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