May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
