OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
