I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
